One way to achieve greater resilience to life’s challenges and to live more fully is to be mindful: bringing greater awareness to what you think, feel and do.

 “Mindfulness is sometimes seen as a form of ‘meta awareness’, which means awareness of awareness,” Kristin Neff. 

It can be a powerful antidote to stress, anxiety, unhappiness and exhaustion, but it is not a quick fix and needs to be practised daily over several weeks before the benefit can be felt. Ultimately, it is a lifetime’s work.

In this post I will focus on becoming aware of daily activities that we tend to do automatically without giving them much attention, such as eating, drinking, showering, dressing, driving – you get the picture. The habit of concentrating on doing the mundane things in life well and deriving pleasure from those activities can set us up for success in bigger, more important things if we apply the same care and attention. In the same way that a musician practices by playing scales or an athlete trains with drills to enhance overall performance.

The chocolate meditation is a good introduction to this idea. It also works well with a raisin if you prefer that, or it could be adapted for use with any other food that you enjoy.

The chocolate meditation:

• Put a small piece of the chocolate on a plate and really look at it: the colour, any pattern, its shape, the textures or anything else that you notice about it.

• Then smell the chocolate and take in all the aromas.

• Now put it in your mouth and let it just sit on your tongue, don’t chew or swallow it.

• Notice all the different tastes from that one piece of chocolate.

• Notice how it feels sitting on your tongue.

• Notice the automatic actions that you may be having to suppress to keep it there.

• You will no doubt be salivating and will need to swallow, but keep the chocolate in your mouth for as long as possible, noticing how the tastes and sensations change.

• Really listen as you swallow.

• Once the chocolate has dissolved away, reflect on how that experience differed from how you usually eat chocolate.

• Try it again with another piece…

How much richer would your life be if you approached more of it with that amount of attention? And how many unhelpful habits have you developed without realising it? Becoming aware of our thinking and doing can be liberating.

It can be helpful to choose a different activity to pay attention to each day or week, whether that is drinking your tea or coffee, cleaning your teeth, getting dressed, walking or whatever you like. 

If you would like to explore mindfulness further, I can highly recommend Mindfulness: a practical guide to finding peace in a frantic world by Mark Williams and Danny Penman. Also, the Art of Mindful Living page of the Plum Village website provides plenty of mindfulness practices.

Just as we need to work on our internal energy through healthy lifestyle choices, our external environment and the energy that surrounds us is also important to our health and wellbeing. And if you have a chronic health problem, such as a chronic exhaustive condition, you can get so wrapped up in how your body feels that you can forget how important your surroundings are to feeling better. It is that outward look that I am going to focus on here.

By surroundings I mean the area where you live as well as your home, but it is the latter that we have most control over, so that is a good place to start.Three key aspects to a harmonious home environment are having a tidy space, addressing any tensions with the people who share it with you and appreciating what you have.

Tidy Space

This year I have been taking part in a quarterly decluttering exercise with the view to creating space for the new to manifest, whether that is a personal goal or a material object. It has been a really interesting exercise.

I have found that the trick is to declutter little and often. So start small, picking one area of your home that bugs you, say a drawer or a shelf, and set a time limit to work on it - that could be 10 minutes or up to an hour. The trick is not to over face yourself so that you don’t do it at all or that you can’t face doing it again. You can always come back to it to complete the task another time.

Enjoy the glow of satisfaction at having decluttered that space - even better if you donated some items to charity or made some money by selling your unwanted stuff! Then schedule a time to do some more, whether that is finishing that area or moving on to a different one. Weekly is probably a bit optimistic (as I have found out!) but monthly or quarterly is a more realistic goal.

Even if you consider yourself to be neat and tidy, you will be surprised at how much potential there is for a sort out. You could even do some digital decluttering, clearing out old emails or electronic files.

Healthy Relationships

Healthy relationships play a significant role in wellbeing and healthy aging and none more so than those in the home environment. If there is a person in your home that makes you angry or upset, what impact is that having on your health? Is there a conversation that you are avoiding with that person? If so what? How can you address it?

I can recommend Nonviolent Communication by Marshall Rosenberg for guidance on healthy ways to relate. And you may find some helpful coping strategies in my recent blog post How to Experience Anger in a Healthy Way.

Appreciating What You Have

The little things really do matter, so it is important not to overlook what you already have in your home that enhances your sense of wellbeing. What do you have in your home that you love? Is it where you can really appreciate it?

Equally, is there anything in your environment that you don't like and can get rid of to make space for something that you would enjoy?

Bringing to mind each day three things that you are grateful for in your home and life can engender a greater sense of contentment. First thing in the morning or bedtime can be a good time for that. To make it a regular practice, try hooking it onto another daily habit like when you have your morning cup of tea or coffee (or other hot drink of choice) or when you get into bed at night.

Your Local Environment

You can also have some influence over your local environment if there are elements of it that bug you or you think could be improved in some way.

If litter annoys you, is there a litter picking group that you can join or can you go out on your own? Where I live we have the Reading Adopt Your Street (RAYS) initiative through which the council provides litter picking equipment if you commit to tidying a street or footpath local to you on a monthly basis. Your local council may have something similar.

You can also report littering and fly tipping through the Love Clean Streets portal for your local area.

Or maybe, like me, you would like to see more wild flowers in your local area. Through the Rewilding Reading project run by the council, I have been able to ask for some verges near me to be mown just once a year so that the wild plants can flower and set seed to the benefit of residents and wildlife alike. There may be an initiative like that near you. Or you could join in with Plantlife's No Mow May and Let It Bloom June campaigns by allowing your lawn, if you have one, to flower in those months instead of cutting it. You could also grow wild flowers in pots or borders in whatever outdoor space you have.

Or if it is more street trees that you would like, you could contact your local tree wardens or become one yourself. See the Tree Council website for more details about that.

So whether it is tidying up a space in your home to improve the vibe, working on how you relate to those you may be living with, appreciating the good things in your home or improving your local environment, your health and wellbeing is set to benefit from your efforts. For more ideas for improving your home environment, have a look at my blog post How to Create a Healthy Home.

I am writing this post at the start of spring, when energy is rising, like the sap in the trees. In traditional Chinese medicine, the internal organs associated with this season are the liver and the gallbladder. If the liver is out of balance, it can manifest as the emotion anger, so I am going to explore anger in this post. It is certainly an emotion that I have experienced strongly throughout my life, but over the years I have learned (and am still learning) to use it in a positive way instead of being consumed by the negative aspects of it. And of course, anger can manifest at the personal level, for example being cut up in traffic, and at the global level, for example with military aggression, lack of action on climate change or countless societal injustices.

In his book A Monk’s Guide to Happiness, Gelong Thubten explains that “Anger and fear can make us deeply unhappy: we become consumed by negativity, which even undermines our immune system. Carrying that resentment is like carrying a hot coal; the more we hold onto it, the more it burns us. Wouldn’t we rather put it down?” To let go of the hot coal of anger we first need to become aware of it. Many people are disconnected from their true feelings, so it is important to be able to recognise the emotion anger and all the forms that it can take. It can be helpful to know that irritation and frustration are forms of anger, as is hate. Scepticism and sarcasm are also indicators of underlying anger.

“Like all our feelings, anger is a form of communication, it brings us a message,” (Elisabeth Kubler-Ross and David Kessler in Life Lessons). That message could be that we are being hurt, psychologically or physically, or that our needs are not being met or heard. Or it could be that something is not in alignment with our values and beliefs. Anger is a natural response to certain situations, it is only problematic if:

• we are not even aware of it
• we try to suppress it
• it is out of proportion to the stimulus
• or we get stuck in the emotion.

Very often our response to a situation hurts us more and for longer than the initial insult. Our reaction is the real enemy, not the person who offended us. We can control our own actions, but not theirs. We can use forgiveness as an antidote to anger, by realising that the insult was most likely not intentional or, if it was, that it came from a place of deep negativity and a lack of self control. Very often we do not really know what someone else is going through or what place their negative actions have come from, but we do know that we all struggle to control our emotions at times and so we can forgive that. Forgiveness does not condone the anger-inducing behaviour, instead it frees us from further suffering.

Meditation and mindfulness practices are one way that we can gain more control over our own emotions and so avoid inducing anger in others, helping to break the cycle. As Eckhart Tolle observes in The Power of Now “people who carry a lot of anger inside without being aware of it and without expressing it are more likely to be attacked, verbally or or even physically, by other angry people, and often for no apparent reason. They have a strong emanation of anger that certain people pick up subliminally and that triggers their own latent anger.”

Anger as a Motivating Force

Eckhart Tolle’s explanation of emotions and anger struck me when I first read it “Emotion arises at the place where mind and body meet. It is the body’s reaction to your mind - or you might say, a reflection of your mind in the body. For example, an attack thought or hostile thought will create a build-up of energy in the body that we call anger.” That is how I try to look at anger now, as a form of energy, which I can transmute into something positive, into healthy action. If I feel anger, I look for the most appropriate, considered action to take in response. Instead of reacting, I respond. A recent article in Positive News resonated with me recently Chris Packham on why he’s angry, yet hopeful in which he explains “I was a very angry young man and I’m a very angry old man. But I’ve always done everything within my power to turn that anger into something positive.” And in her book How to End Injustice Everywhere, I was interested to see Melanie Joy describe anger as a motivating emotion. She also says that “Anger is an appropriate and legitimate emotional reaction to injustice.” Anger very much is a rising energy.

Exploring Anger through Journalling

Journalling can be a healthy way to explore any feelings of anger that you may have, starting with acknowledging the emotion. My recent post on journalling may help you with that. You could ask yourself these questions:

• What effect is this anger having on me?

• What message is this anger sending me?

• Where is the other person coming from?

• What is or was driving their behaviour?

• Why should I forgive?

• How can I forgive?

• What positive, considered action can I take to help me move forward using the motivating energy of my anger?

I hope that you have found something here to help you use anger in a healthy way, as a force for good, both within and without, personally and in the wider world.

Years ago now I heard an old Cherokee story that has stuck with me. When I find myself thinking negatively, I remind myself of it. I came across it again recently and thought it would follow on nicely from my previous two posts on self compassion and meditation.

The story goes that a grandfather is talking with his grandson. “I have a fight going on within me,” the old man says. “It is taking place between two wolves. One is evil – he is anger, envy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority, and ego.”

The grandfather looks at the grandson and goes on. “The other embodies positive emotions. He is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion, and faith. Both wolves are fighting to the death. The same fight is going on inside you and every other person, too.”

The grandson takes a moment to reflect on this. Eventually, he looks up at his grandfather and asks, “Which wolf will win?”

The old Cherokee replies simply “The one you feed.”

If you find yourself thinking negatively, then acknowledge the thoughts (without judgement) and your awareness of them before letting them go. Avoid getting caught up in them, analysing, ruminating. Don’t feed them. Equally, nurture positive thoughts and feelings. Dwell on those, give them more of your attention, feed them. Learn what generates those positive thoughts and feelings in you and do more of that, whether it is sleep, meditation, music, exercise, a creative activity, getting out in nature, being with people you find uplifting, whatever works for you. By uplifting yourself, you will uplift those around you too.

A regular meditation practice can have many benefits to health and wellbeing, but it can be challenging to achieve, which is what has prompted me to write this post. I will outline the benefits of meditation to help motivate you and then cover the barriers to establishing a regular meditation practice, before providing some simple techniques to try in order to help you find one that works for you and is sustainable.

Benefits

Regular meditation can help counter negative emotions, such as stress, anxiety and unhappiness. As well as boosting your mood, meditation can enhance your mental function too: improving concentration and memory, and making space for your creativity to come through, including problem solving. Meditation can also alleviate physical and mental fatigue.

Meditation isn’t about never feeling negative emotions. Even monks experience stress, anger, sadness and fear. It is about experiencing the full range of emotions without getting stuck in unhelpful ones. What a regular meditation practice can do is to help you recalibrate more quickly if something throws you off balance. Meditation facilitates the smooth transition back to a calm state, to neutral. It can also facilitate positive feelings: love, joy, contentment, peace.

Barriers

Trying to Empty the Mind

Probably the biggest barrier is believing that meditation is about emptying the mind of all thoughts, which is frustratingly difficult to do and like trying to run before you can walk. The key principle of meditation is non doing. It is time out for the body and the brain, however you want to do that. It can be about sitting with your thoughts, observing them and then letting them go like clouds passing across the sky. Or it can be focusing on the breath or sounds, then noticing when your mind has wandered to thoughts and bringing it back to what you were focusing on. The more you practise, the quieter your mind may become, but don’t give up if it doesn’t. It will be easier some days than others; accept that, don’t fight it. You may get to a point where you can calm your mind for a few moments or maybe more, in which case enjoy the experience, but it is not the be all and end all of meditation.

Time

One of the main barriers to regular practice is time. To help you overcome that hurdle, what is the minimum amount of time that you could commit to meditating each day? That you couldn’t say ‘I haven’t got time for’? One minute? Five? Ten? Start small. You can always do more if you want to, but don’t build a huge wall in front of the start line!

Consistency

What existing daily habit could you hook that short meditation time onto? Is it after cleaning your teeth in the morning or at bedtime? Is it immediately after or before lunch? When would work best for you? No matter what happens, persevere. If you miss a day or two, don’t beat yourself up about it. Just resume the next day.

A daily practice is ideal, more often is even better if you can. I have realised that meditation is like any skill, it requires regular practice, building up bit by bit and finding what works best for you along the way, like training for a marathon. I certainly stopped and started for years before finally settling into a daily practice. My next goal is to make it twice daily…

How to Meditate

There are so many ways to meditate that it can be daunting and confusing to know where to start, let alone how to continue. Here I offer a handful of different techniques that you could try to see which you prefer. None of these involve emptying the mind of all thoughts. Meditation is about focused attention and calming the mind.

Tuning in to the Senses

One way to meditate is to become aware by tuning in to your senses, one at a time. The mindful cup of tea meditation is a good example of that, which you can practise with any hot drink:

• Notice the colour of the liquid and any shapes on the surface, such as froth or swirls, and how those move and change. Gaze at those for as long as feels good. Then take in the colour, shape and pattern of the cup or mug.

• Next notice any sounds around you and how they change, or appreciate peace and quiet.

• Moving onto the sense of smell now, take in the aroma of your drink, taking time to take it in and register it.

• Only now take a sip to savour the taste of the tea or other beverage. Linger over it, don’t rush.

• And how does it feel in your mouth and throat? How far down do you feel it as you swallow? Really pay attention with each sip.

• Finish drinking your tea slowly and mindfully, tuning into one sense at a time.

The mindful cup of tea can be a good way to introduce a regular meditation practice, because it is a daily activity. Try to make at least one cuppa each day a mindful one and notice any difference in how you feel immediately after and over the longer term.

Using the Breath as a Meditation Tool

Meditating on the breath is another way to focus on something that we do all the time in order to move away from our thoughts and into physical sensations. There are so many ways to meditate on the breath, but this is one of the simplest to start with. Try to spend a few minutes once or twice a day quietly concentrating on your breathing. Find a quiet, comfortable environment for this, ideally sitting with both feet flat on the floor and your hands loose in your lap or resting gently on your thighs:

• Just breathe normally

• Be aware of your inbreath and outbreath and any pause between

• If your mind wanders, don’t berate yourself, just acknowledge it and come back to your breathing

• Notice how the experience changes from day to day, depending on how you are feeling.

Body Scanning

Another way to meditate is to tune in to your body by scanning through it one part at a time. You can guide yourself through the practice or, better still, listen to a guided body scan on one of the apps that I mention below. I talk you through a body scan in my previous blog post Mindfulness: re-engaging with your body. You can also try tensing and releasing one part of your body at a time, tensing with the in breath and releasing with the outbreath.

Meditation Apps

There are many meditation apps out there, which can help you get started with meditation or maintain a regular practice. Calm, Headspace and Waking Up are some of the best known subscription services. I enjoy working with the free Plumb Village app: “A free app with guided meditations, deep relaxations and other practices offered by Zen master Thich Nhat Hanh and his monastic community.”  Another free app is Insight Timer.

Meditation in Movement

Moving mindfully is another way to meditate. Qigong is an excellent example of that, with the slow repetitive movements inducing a meditative state as we focus on how the movement feels. Walking is another good way to meditate if you use your senses to tune in to your environment. I talk more about that in a previous blog post Walking Mindfully.

Music for Meditation

You can even use music to enter a meditative state. Apparently, listening to music that gives you goosebumps has the same effect as other meditation techniques, so it couldn’t get easier than that! Try putting together a playlist of music that has that tingle factor for you and set aside a few minutes each day to listen to it.

To Conclude

With meditation, if at first you don’t succeed, persevere with a different way of meditating. If you are very agitated, sitting quietly may not work for you, so you could try walking mindfully instead. Or perhaps listening to tingle-factor music works better for you than focusing on your breath or a cup of tea. Play with it, explore. Eventually you may develop a repertoire of techniques to pick and choose from depending on how you are feeling. I use an alternate nostril breathing meditation if I wake in the night feeling physically restless or a sleep meditation if my mind is busy. If I feel fairly calm, I like to still my mind further and if I feel agitated I find humming a helpful way to meditate and soothe myself. 

I sincerely hope that you have found something here to inspire you to meditate and support your regular practice. To learn more about meditation, I can recommend listening to this interview with Buddhist monk Gelong Thubten on the Feel Better Live More podcast.